Nothing can prepare you for these words: “I’m sorry, but your baby doesn’t have a heartbeat”.
In January 2021, we announced our pregnancy to the world via social media. We found out in December that we would have another addition to our incredible family. We were shocked, excited, amazed and so happy. We went to an 8 week ultrasound and saw the most adorable little baby with a PERFECT heartbeat. It made all of the doubts disappear and bring everything into reality. Our children were so excited, especially my son, Elijah. He prayed for over two years that we would have a baby boy. The past two Christmases he has put “baby brother” on his Christmas list.
Needless to say, this was going to be the best Christmas gift EVER! On February 8th we went to get our second ultrasound. This time the baby would be quite a big bigger, 12 weeks and 3 days to be exact. It was finally our turn to go back into the room to see our precious gift! We all got settled and the room was full of excitement and anticipation. I held a small screen in my hand and my baby girl was laying next to me, while the other two kiddos were sitting with their daddy watching on the TV. She began to show us our baby, the baby was PERFECT. All three kiddos were so excited. The smiles were big and hearts were full. Then I heard the words that no one ever wants to hear, “I am sorry, but your baby doesn’t have a heartbeat.” My heart sank, I immediately felt like time was frozen and my world stopped spinning. Her words replay in my head over and over, even to this day.
Ryon came over to comfort me, The kids were all crying and confused. We prayed as a family and then began to walk the hardest road I’ve ever had to walk.
I carried our sweet baby for almost a month after finding out I wouldn’t get to meet them this side of Heaven. On March 3, 2021 I had a D&C. It was the most excruciating decision I’ve ever had to make. I left the hospital empty handed, but I know that he/she is in the arms of Jesus and that one day I’ll get to meet my 4th amazing child.
Our hearts are grieving but we want you all to know that God is still good. He’s never changed during this whole process. He is a loving father and he’s close to the broken hearted.
We appreciate your prayers as we move forward toward healing and restoration.
One thought on “Toni’s Story”
We love you baby girl and Ryon and the kids. I know we will see our precious grandchild in Heaven someday soon ❤️